The reason for this title

It is a weird title, isn't it? All of us know that death bats a thousand. We can never avoid it, and nature  is better for it, without question.

But I wrote this as the shortest dedication to my father ever. He passed away six years ago at 82, and he was my hero. I thought he really was invincible till about five years before his death. There were reasons, and none I will give here.

That is all I'll bring up on him. We had a blast, but I spent too long in the past, and it inadvertently got in my way.

But what I will bring up is the title of the blog. When you spend the vast majority of your life, long past a normal shelf life, hero worshipping someone you live with, you have no earthly idea of the sheer luck that comes with every star aligning in your favor. When said person is gone, and it's your turn, you REALLY have to work to make the stars align.

Imagine turning 38, and while you still feel young, your back has gone out more than once, and a personal trainer has to spend time retraining your core to be something resembling strong, and you have to stretch 45 minutes every morning to get a proper bounce in your step.

Imagine turning 38 and having ten years experience in both the sales business and in the film world, having enough stories to fill two volumes of an autobiography, and having the bank account of a college student working at Starbucks because you were homeless, living in hotels, and trying to survive.

Imagine knowing that your first impression can impress the finest of CEOs, venture capitalists, and businessmen, and yet you still have a really bad habit of floating by on potential, and doing everything last second. I did that for years.

Imagine feeling confident in everything you ever did, except for love. What if you were always sure something would work, but it never did, yet you dust yourself off and go back to the drawing board.

I bring all of this up because it goes back to that one word...invincibility. When everyone around you lived into their 80s and 90s, the mind thinks invincible, but reality says that it was a combination of good family genes, and everyone staying active through stiffening joints and a mind they had to keep active every day.

When you see two grand in cash in a wallet, the mind thinks invincible and rich, but the reality says keep bringing in money, clip coupons, buy fifteen dollar jeans at a farm store, and invest properly.

When you see a forty year marriage without a real fight, the mind thinks invincibility, but reality says stars aligned, chemistry was there, and PURE LUCK!!!

I'll be honest. While I have had an amazing amount of cool stories from my younger years, I do feel like I fucked around a lot of my life, without realizing it, because my mind expected a certain level of invincibility, if you will. I was an actor, part time director and sometime film producer, and screwed it all up through all fault of my own. For about 90 years, the public has seen .000000001 percent of Hollywood, that being the red carpet and obligatory photo op. What the public doesn't see is the hours upon hours upon hours of blood, sweat, and tears...the classes, the practice, the rejection, the crappy roles, being fired, getting agents, losing agents, and doing all that while trying to pay rent. I, like the rest of the public, paid attention to the red carpet part of it, and the work did not matter.

Some things come easy for me, and I think it is to my detriment. Anything I write needs no outline, planning, or thought. Spelling comes easy for me, even when it matters less and less. I can engage anyone at anytime, which can come in handy these days in a swipe right world. All of this should mean success.

But without work, monkeys can just as easily fly out of my ass.

If you watch the NFL, NBA, MLB, NHL, or even pro wrestlers for those fans out there, you see it all the time...the very very best athletes make it to the highest level, and few become the best. Sure, there are extenuating circumstances in some cases, like injuries, but in a lot of cases, it's laziness. They can make the occasional great play, or have the great game here and there, but in the end, they are still the final cut on an NFL franchise, and hoping for a $5200 a week gig on a practice squad, which sounds sweet in theory, but you are always a play away from unemployment.

That's what this opening blog is about. I am admitting all this right now. I feel like the practice squad guy who should be a star. That's my fault, all my doing.

Ok, that's enough therapy for the night. Doogie Howser wannabe over and out.